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On the Edge: And clean underwear...

“Always wear clean underwear in case you get hit by a car and take you to the hospital.”


It was a bright and sunny day when I entered the market.

Then my feet hit, and I tripped.

Thanks to 54 years of intense yoga and Tibetan meditation, she reached out and grabbed the handle of the nearest basket.

She took a breath, and, remembering the family oath, muttered a prayer: “Not here, not in the foyer of a grocery store basket, please.”

One of the guardian angels replied, “You’re a lot of work, JP.”

Reminder: One afternoon, my father went to take four dinners of fish and a piece of frog legs for my mother.

He stopped, got on his knees and slowly sank to the end on the cold concrete. Mama said he was wearing clean underwear.

Nobody wants to die on the street, on any street. We all want to pass quietly in Paris or Monaco or at least in Yarmouth, not like a squirrel being hit by a car in Waterville, for God’s sake.

Celebrities like famous comedian Fred Allen and film actor Percy Kilbride (“Pa Kettle”) have come to an end this way. Fred fell in front of a traffic light in Washington, D.C., just as he turned into a Walk.

Percy’s car crashed into the top of Franklin Street in Hollywood, the city that made him famous. Rest in peace, Percy.

Bob Fosse (“Chicago”), the eight-time Tony Award-winning director and choreographer, died on a DC street, while leaving his hotel. Rest in peace, Bobby.

I was told they were all wearing clean underwear.

This tragedy made the men gather their families and talk to them.

“If I ever go out on the street, tell them to get me on my feet, and make sure my underwear is new.”

Far from my final departure, I still tell my daughters the same thing.

And they wrote in a text message: “Dad, we live in Los Angeles, but don’t forget clean underwear.”

Today, as I approach the final stage of middle age, I am surprised to find myself remarkably healthy, still looking amazing, with all my teeth and hair, and of course brand-new clean underwear.

I feel, at this time, to warn you.

how do you feel? How old are you you don’t look at, but you can’t tell. Did you get all your injections, get regular checkups, and stop smoking? Insurance pay? Do you wear clean underwear when you go out?

Be very careful. Watch crossing the street when the lights change. Let a few others pass first.

If you get sick while waiting for the light to change, find a bench, shop, or any store, pizzeria, or movie theatre; My barber will do. This headquarters is on Main Street. It will prepare me to wake up.

Walgreens drugstore, where you got your last booster dose, will suffice.

Yes, it has plastic chairs, but it’s better than the sidewalk, and you can pick up fresh toothpaste while you’re there.

Certainly not a market. Would you like to find your body face down in the produce section under a pile of avocados marked “RIPE NOW?”

Don’t forget clean underwear. Mom thanks you.

JP Devine is a writer in Waterville.

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