The Reddit user has reached a breaking point with her mother as she sets a line that the entire community thinks is totally justified.
She began her letter by explaining that she has an 8-month-old son who is colicky and suffers from postpartum depression. It was a tough time. “My husband and I have tough jobs. I’d like to quit, but we can’t afford it now. I don’t have many friends in the state we live in, and I’m lonely,” she wrote. “My MIL is in poor health, and my husband goes twice a week helping her.” . I haven’t had a day or an evening off since Jack was born. In addition, our house was flooded with a broken pipe 5 months ago. Dealing with the cleaning process has been a nightmare.”
More from SheKnows
Her mother lives an hour away and hasn’t offered to help. The Reddit user explained that she wanted to see the baby, but with “very little effort.” Whenever she was asked to babysit or help with an assignment, she would say no. “Once I called her at the height of my sleep sickness, saying I was afraid I’d be alone and she could come,” the user wrote. “But she has plans for brunch. I stopped ordering anything until today…”
The Reddit user is the bridesmaid at her best friend’s wedding and her husband is in charge. After a month of searching, they found a babysitter for their child – they ended up canceling at the last minute. The couple spent another three days trying to find a replacement before turning to the baby’s grandmother.
Click here to read the full article.
“I finally explained my despair to my mother and asked if she could watch Jack for 24 hours. Or I offered to fly my mother to State B with us, and bring her a hotel room, after which she would only need to watch him for 5 hours.” “I was in tears begging her, but my mom said no. She has a yoga class she doesn’t want to cancel.”
That was the last straw. She told her mother that if she was not willing to help, she would not be allowed to see her grandson again. “I know my mom is under no obligation to help us, but then you shouldn’t expect to see my son,” the user explained. “Eta for depriving my mother of a relationship with her grandson because she never offered help?”
At first, this is difficult. Grandparents and family members are not obligated to provide babysitting duties. They are completely allowed to set boundaries. butWhen a mother is in such distress, completely exhausted and struggling through PPD, it is another level to completely ignore her pain. Saying casually that you chose yoga or brunch over your child’s literal well-being — even when he’s older — isn’t fair.
Reddit rallied around this mother to reinforce that she wasn’t a TA by restricting the relationship between her mother and son.
“If we neglect relationships, or if we take them and never give them, they wither and die. And one person pointed out that giving/giving isn’t always the same at the moment: it extends over long periods, even over a lifetime, and often means paying it up front.” “…Your mother chose to opt out of all of that by refusing to help you when she needed it. She doesn’t have to be in that cycle of help, love, and support if she’d rather go to a yoga class.” With that said, he said, “Both [are] He has the right to determine the terms of your relationship. she has. You are now. “
Another user added that there is a contradiction between not wanting to babysit and ignoring the crisis. “Honestly, knowing that a parent doesn’t have a structural ‘grandfather duty’ to their parents is very different from an emergency (especially a postpartum depression burst?!) versus a yoga class or brunch…”
People understood where this grandmother came from in her desire for her space. But they also questioned her parenting abilities and empathy skills.
“I kind of get where your mom comes from. Put in the work. She raised her kids, probably at the expense of making ends meet, and now she wants to enjoy her golden years and be very low on responsibility. One user noted it’s good for her, I think.” “But you were literally in a health crisis, and one of the people in your life that you should be able to count on simply supporting you has disappeared… So in this scenario, your reaction doesn’t look like the actions of someone who has a right to it. He looks like someone is at the end of his rope and that was the last straw.”
what do you think? Were the boundaries drawn by this mother fair?
To most people, she was Queen Elizabeth II – but to some, she was just “the grandmother.”
Launch Gallery: These films and TV shows offer an honest look at the reality of living with clinical depression
The best of SheKnows
Subscribe to the SheKnows newsletter.
For the latest news, follow us on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.
Comments
Post a Comment